Contaminated

If you walked through that door right now, I may show considerable shock, but most of me wouldn’t be even remotely surprised. Not really.

My mind might know we’re apart – and we’ve been that way for a long time – but start telling that to my shoulders and they hiss – Shush! She might need to rest her weary head on us. We have to be ready!

And my arms; they’re altogether different beasts. They take advantage of my daily bout of unconsciousness and flail helplessly, reaching for you in the darkest hours of the night.

Half asleep, I pull them closer, I whisper in a voice croaking with frustration and pity – For fuck’s sake, she’s gone. Go back to sleep!

Alas, it only makes their search more frantic… So, I muster a tiny fraction of your warmth, inject it into a lifeless pillow and offer it to them as if it were you. Yes, I lie, sue me! I know you’d do the same in my place.

When I’m completely absorbed with daily mintiae; when I’m cooking, washing the dishes, or watching TV, my face tingles, acknowledging the absence of those unprompted kisses that always found their way to its cheeks.

My lips still speak your phrases, voice your words, sing your songs, and when they fall silent they attempt to form that cheeky grin of yours. When I think of you, they tremble, mourning the absence of those unprompted kisses that always found their way to your cheeks while you were cooking, washing the dishes, or watching TV.

We may be apart, but I’m contaminated with you. My coolness with your warmth, my silence with your joy, my solitude with your love and my soul with yours.

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